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December 31 异族人自己最早的网络名ezuren是姐姐将自己的名儿改了个字母给我的，没有任何的意义。因为没有重名，就一直用了。直到前一阵一个朋友加我msn时说“很个性，叫异族人”。我才恍然还有这个意思。
突然想起这个，是因为今天面试，被拒了。理由是“很优秀，但是公司的文化不大适应你。”我宁愿相信这客套话里是有称赞的。于是反思自己的表现，也的确是过于张扬，对于实习过程中看到的很多问题都提出了自己的想法。本身并不是想要炫耀什么，只是觉得看到了就要说出来，而且感觉自己的建议是有建设性的。但想想，其实多数公司希望招的人能听从安排进行工作，领导希望招的手下能够容易掌控。可能我看起来并不象，虽然我是如此的想为自己喜欢的工作放弃有户口且待遇好的稳定工作。
我真的是个异类吗？！
想起小d某天突然从一个男生的角度给我的评价“亲切，却遥不可及”，我玩笑的说“怎么跟化成人形到人间做好事的女鬼似的”
或许我真的是个异类！女鬼！
一直以来都不在乎别人的评价，不在乎所谓规章所谓形式。只是按照自己的方式存在着。而随着步入生活的真实状态，为此付出的代价越来越大。
能怨谁呢？！
一个要招有想法、爱提建议的人的公司必定是疯了。
一个爱上要到处跑，喜欢非主流的人的男生必定是疯了。
还好，这世界很正常。
December 27 : Let down :by Radiohead Transport, motorways and tramlines, starting and then stopping, taking off and landing, the emptiest of feelings, disappointed people, clinging on to bottles, and when it comes it's so, so, disappointing.
Let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around.
Shell smashed, juices flowing wings twitch, legs are going, don't get sentimental, it always ends up drivel. One day, I'm gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction, hysterical and useless
let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around.
Let down,
You know where you are with, floor collapsing, falling, bouncing back and one day, I'm gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction, hysterical and useless
let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around
像是锈了的齿轮，沉重地转着，在无法逃脱的循环中，消耗殆尽。 然后，在某一刻，轰然坍塌。 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 早打算去电影院看《三峡好人》，今天打了几通电影院的影讯电话，传来的都是“全天多场次上映张艺谋最新力作×××”。 人心的故事究竟抵不过满城黄金乳的视觉冲击。无语！ 买正版碟表达对贾樟柯们的支持。
December 15 : Twenty Years :by Placebo There are twenty years to go And twenty ways to know Who will wear, Who will wear The hat.
There are twenty years to go, The best of all I hope. Enjoy the ride, the medicine show.
And thems the breaks for we designer fakes. We need to concentrate on more then meets the eye.
There are twenty years to go, The faithful and the low. The best of starts, the broken heart, the stone.
There are twenty years the go, The punch drunk and the blow. The worst of starts, the mercy part, the phone.
And thems the breaks for we designer fakes. We need to concentrate on more then meets the eye. And thems the breaks for we designer fakes. But it's you I take 'cause your the truth, not I.
There are twenty years to go. A golden age I know. But all will pass, will end too fast, you know.
There are twenty years to go, And many friends I hope. Though some may hold the rose some hold the rope.
And that's the end and that's the start of it. That's the whole and that's the part of it. That's the high and that's the heart of it. That's the long and that's the short of it. That's the best and that's the test in it. That's the doubt, the doubt,The trust in it. That's the sight and that's the sound of it. That's the gift and that's the trick in it.
You're the truth,not I. 在摇滚乐中，经历人变鬼，鬼变人的一周。 December 05 <5*2>2个人，5个生活片断。从离婚追溯到相识。
December 03 感个慨参加了几场招聘会。某时驻足在涌动的人流中，自己做为“存在”这一概念微弱得很。必须即刻加入人群才能还魂。
淹没于群体中总是能让人感觉安全。
还好有斐的陪伴，参加招聘会的心情并不凝重。我们好像是在逛庙会，走走停停，遇到感兴趣的挤进去凑个热闹。不时的挖掘笑点， 能笑到前仰后合。
如果再有一次选择的机会不会选择学理工科，不会上交大，不会做女生。我们调侃着。却不想抱怨什么。只是无望的感觉会冷不丁的撞击心头，升起一阵愁烟。
也许就像老妈说的，我不该愁什么。没有负担。自由选择。舒适的生活。
可我依然不能放下执拗，却又不能不顾一切的守卫着。
怪不得说二十五六岁的女生最讨厌。不知道自己是谁，不知道自己想要什么。对未来患得患失。
总要有这个过程的吧。没什么不好。成长，谁不是在时刻经历着呢。 |
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